Tag: take it slow

Running on Empty

I attend Tai Chi class every Monday evening, and I always get surprised about how well or how messy my moves turn out. I go there with no expectations, but at some points during class I either start feeling self-conscious or sometimes a little arrogant. In the end, I always feel satisfied with whatever result, as after two hours of practice, I finally recall that it is about the journey. 


Photo by David Mao on Unsplash

Tai Chi class is like a replica of a mini life, which I get the opportunity to relive each week. I learn and forget to get lost in the movement, and then I remember again. Thoughts are scattered through my mind and the wind inside of me blows them away. I flow, I make mistakes and laugh about them. I kick my legs into the air as my muscles hold me. I am balanced and could fall at any moment if I lose my focus. 

I am always learning and unlearning. Bruce Lee said, “Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality”. I am learning more when I come to class without expectations and don’t put too much pressure on myself. Those are the best days. The days when I enter as a new student, open to corrections, not afraid of being confused. Those days bring the greatest rewards and most surprises. 

And so, I attempt to use this concept in my daily tasks. I wake up telling myself that I am open to what the universe has in store for me that day. I try not to predict how things will go, I take it slow. I remind myself that I don’t know everything, that even if I have vast knowledge of a certain subject, there is always something there I haven’t seen. 

When I don’t have heavy expectations from myself, I don’t take myself so seriously. When things don’t go smoothly, I don’t have a preconceived reason to blame myself. I am gentler and can relax into the discomfort. 

When something good occurs, I can feel the wonder with so much more intensity when it is a surprise. I feel like a kid again, as I laugh with amazement at how the universe makes everything fall into place without us knowing. 

Taking Steps

Yesterday, I watched the first dragonfly of the season jet over the giant puddle in the parking lot. The buzzy transformer was bright blue, like the morning sky. In many cultures around the world, the dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation and growth. We are now also in the heart of Spring, and the world around us has already practically blossomed, shedding its wintry gloom.


Photo by Sheray Lloyd on Unsplash

All morning, before my walk, I was dealing with racing thoughts, trying to breathe through them, and dropping into my heart instead. I drop into my heart and the negative thoughts shed like pollen all around me. The essence lingers there, it’s difficult to escape. They are fearful thoughts full of uncertainty and despair. I dive into my heart loving them for what they are, one moment at a time.

The dragonfly today reminded me that even though it seems like the journey is steep and sometimes I forget the steps, I know that this is where I’m supposed to be. I don’t have to judge myself so much, because I know that I am trying my best now.

Controlling thoughts is almost like trying to control people. It doesn’t work. I cannot manipulate my mind into thinking up different stories, and so I let it ramble on. I leave the chatter there but turn down the volume. I understand that it is just a podcast of my insecurities playing on repeat and remind myself that the point isn’t about coming up with solutions.

I breathe deeper into my heart, knowing that my fears are slowing flaking off and Summer will be here before we know it. I look forward to seeing more dragonflies doing their work, glistening in the sun – waiting for us to notice how far we’ve come.